Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ) and Shamelessness

A colleague of mine recently attended a two-day workshop on personal effectiveness and performance. Envision an auditorium full of people seeking wisdom and hope that there's a secret formula for being their best. The presenters know this, stir up a frenzy of excitement for their formula, then convince people that they need an additional $5,000, $10,000, or $15,000 worth of work on themselves before they'll truly be able to use the formula. I know, I've been at one of these workshops before.

In the course of the presentation, the speaker touches on a key topic that is a must in understanding for anyone who wants to achieve personal success and shamelessness -- emotional intelligence. Though the definition of emotional intelligence is constantly emerging, it focuses on exercising choice and control over the emotions of both yourself and others. In any given situation, a person can choose whether to react or respond. The speaker distinguished react and respond in this manner: React is a negative outburst, like getting an immediate allergic reaction to a medication. A response is a positive outcome, which is the equivalent of a successful healing of the body as a result of the medicine.

I told my colleague that I found this definition rather short-sighted. I agree that in our lives, we can choose whether to react or respond. Reacting involves bringing forth the first thing that pops into the emotional sphere. Whether we're aware of it or not, we bring it forth to the world without forethought or control. Responding involves a more thoughtful process of being aware of how we're feeling. It also involves being aware of how the people around us are feeling and choosing our words and behaviors carefully. The process of reacting shows a low emotional intelligence quotient (EQ). The process of responding requires a high EQ in order to possess the awareness, assessment skills, and empathy to be conscious in your words and behaviors.

Unlike the speaker's assessment, reacting and responding can both take on positive and negative qualities. A person can have a reaction of joy (positive) or anger (negative). A person can respond favorably (positive) or respond in a way that is contrary or adverse (negative).

When a person is truly shameless, all of their words and behaviors are responses, not reactions. Whether you are communicating joy or dissatisfaction, you respond in a way that is thoughtful, conscious, and aware. You possess the ability to manage your emotional reactions and channel them into effective communications that result in mutual understanding (though not necessarily agreement) for everyone involved. Being shameless involves putting other people first to be more aware of your own needs. Glenn Beck reported yesterday that if you feel that you're lost or lacking in direction, put other people first. Even if you don't believe in a higher power, putting other people first helps sort through the clutter and put you on a path full of purpose and power. If you choose to respond instead of react, put others first, and choose purpose and power as guides for your life, you will possess a high EQ, and being shameless will come naturally.

Visit author Daniel Goleman's blog on EQ