Jobless Does Not Mean Hopeless

With unemployment at an all time high, it can seem hopeless to those without jobs and steady income. If you or someone you know is unemployed and looking for the next opportunity, let them know that now is the time to toss the gloom and doom aside and be shameless. With so many people looking for jobs, job seekers have to be prepared to communicate who they are, what they do, and what makes them different to stand out quickly (i.e. within SECONDS) in the sea of job seekers and over-formatted resumes.

If you need some help being shameless, drop me a line at 206-782-4040 x4 to learn about our phone coaching options.

Job search tips: Why your resume doesn't work in today's job market

Being shameless is even more important in today's job market. My friend and client Paul Anderson, founder and president of ProLango, has posted some great video tips to help you get the edge while you're out there on the job hunt. I found the one below particularly pointed:

Using Values to Build Self Worth

Over and over, I am hearing great leaders talk about values. Rita Ryder, Patty Stoneseifer, and Phyllis Campbell all referenced the importance of values in determining the direction of your personal and professional lives. Whether you're determining how to live, give, work, or play, always remain true to your values.

Successful people thrive because of their values. That's because when they are aware of their values, they possess self-worth. Their self worth is not tied to their bank statements, job title, or affection from others. It lies deep inside with the strong desires they have. They honor these desires with their actions, leading them to success.

Values are inherent in each person. Whether you know it or not, you have values and guiding principles which determine your actions. Values are strong desires that lead to results-generating actions. If you know what actions you should take (mission) to achieve your ideal state of being (vision), your values will be clear.

Here are four questions to start your thinking about your personal values:

1. What key characteristics are important for me in myself and in others?
2. What ideas and beliefs do I hold as special or sacred?
3. What standards have I set for conduct and behaviors in the people I surround myself?
4. What "normal" actions, characteristics, behaviors, and conduct would be intolerable to me and push my"hot buttons"?

Are you living your values? If not, it might be hindering your promotion, the second interview, or the satisfying relationships with friends, family, and co-workers.

If you are unclear about your personal values, ask me how Shameless You! can uncover your desires and lead you to living a life with authenticity, integrity, and confidence.

It's Finally Here! Shameless You Action Workbook!

For you Shameless You! fans out there, the new Shameless Self Promotion Action Workbook was unveiled at yesterday's Seattle Chamber Annual Tradeshow. We had hundreds of folks stopping by the booth, checking out this personal development program. If you're a job seeker, workplace professional, or a business owner looking for an edge, this workbook will get you started on the path to shamelessness.

The Shameless Self Promotion Action Workbook is for sale now on our web site at www.tsuluwerks.com/tsulushop.

Malcolm Gladwell brings Shamelessness to Light

I recently had the honor of meeting revolutionary author, Malcolm Gladwell. I'm in the final chapter of his latest book, Outliers: The Story of Success. In chapter 4 (entitled "The Trouble with Geniuses, Part 2"), Gladwell introduces the term "concerted cultivation", which was originally used by sociologist Annette Lareau. Essentially, the difference between those who are successful and those who fail is "concerted cultivation." Those who as a part of their upbringing were taught that they were valued, special individuals with a right to question others, regardless of authority, tend to better understand how to move through society and, as a result, are successful. Gladwell argues that they aren't any smarter and don't work any harder than most others to achieve their success. They possess a positive sense of entitlement that enables them to ask for what they need and reach their goals.

For those who struggle with being shameless, the thought of entitlement is a bad word. It brings to mind selfish, spoiled brats with no boundaries and a ruthless way of living. The concept of concerted cultivation, like shamelessness, focuses on assertion with confidence and sensitivity. If a person has not been taught how to positively interact with the world, their talents go to waste because they lack the ability to understand what is important to others and to communicate it to the people who need to know. Living is a manner that is hindered by shame and defeat is one of the most selfish, spoiled ways of being. If you don't take the time to learn shamelessness to share your gifts, talents and genius, you are doing the entire world a disservice.

If you haven't been privy to concerted cultivation in your childhood, it's time to stop whining and take on the role of both cultivator and recipient. Surround yourself with shameless people, learn from their example, and leverage the lessons you learn to better connect with the people and the world around you. It's only through concerted cultivation -- and shamelessness -- that you will have the confidence you need to not be intimidated and ask for the information and support you need to leverage your genius and be a success.

Can I get away with this?

On tonight's Golden Globe Awards, Steven Spielberg made a comment that touched my heart. He said that his success was because he was constantly asking himself, "Can I get away with this?" If he didn't have anxiety about a project, he knew that it wasn't the right fit for him.

I look at my own life and ask myself the same things as I look at my goals for 2009. Can I get away with what I have planned? If the answer Yes comes too easily, I am going to put it at the bottom of my list. If the answer isn't quite that simple, or if the thought of No creeps, up, those are the things that I'm going to tackle first.

I would like to challenge each of you to set five personal and five professional goals for 2009. Look at each of your goals, and add as much detail as you can. Now ask yourself, "Can I get away with it?" The ones that make you reach for the Tums are the ones that are going to bring you the most value in your life. It will be a risk, but if you commit to acting shamelessly to reach your goals, you too will find yourself being proud of your life's achievements instead of regretting the opportunities that slipped away.

Enduring Tragedy, Embracing Choice

I recently had dinner with a close friend. He shared that he was having a bit of trouble opening up on job interviews. This lack of We discussed things that employers were looking for. He was seeking a job in a highly stressful and traumatic industry. After some more discussion, he disclosed a personal tragedy. After letting the horrifying truth sink in, I started to see the connection between his tragedy and his choice of career options. I recommended that he share the story with potential employers. Understandably, he was very reluctant to share that info.

This is an unusual example of shamelessness. I told him the story of my best friend, who was kidnapped and murdered in high school. This isn't a story that I tell often, but sometimes, it helps to bring context to a situation. I recognize that this tragic event in my life is part of why I focus on empowerment and women's and children's issues. I want all people to be empowered, especially women and children. I don't want ANYONE to find themselves in a situation where they feel dependent and helpless. We all need other people, and we need to recognize the gifts and strengths in ourselves. From that, my marketing company and Shameless Self Promotion were born.

Tragic events shape our lives, but it's our choices that define our character. Whether conscious or unconscious, we all make choices that connect back to events -- positive and negative -- that have shaped our lives. If something momentous has occurred in your life, I encourage you to be shameless in your exploration of that event and how it has shaped your life. You can choose to embrace the learnings from that situation, or to ignore them. Either way, I hope that we all move forward with our lives and find meaning in our world through the choices we make AFTER the event has occurred.

Inaction is a choice. To be truly shameless is to choose to act consciously. Let it out, and see what comes your way. Nothing can take away the tragic loss of a loved one, a traumatic event, or any combination of difficult times. But you can honor the memory of the victim in the choices you make later in life, even if the victim is you.

High School Inspirational Presentation

I was excited to present Shameless Self Promotion to a group of high school girls at DeVry University in Federal Way, WA. Please pardon all the background noise and side conversations with instructors. I would appreciate your feedback. If you would like to participate virtually in the session, download the worksheet and follow along with the audio.

Us versus Them

The United States has a new president-elect. Regardless of your political views, the election of a biracial, African-American candidate to the highest political office in the land is a major milestone.

The culture of the United States has been fraught with divisiveness based on race, religion, age, and socio-economic status since its inception. The expectations and stereotypes of those divisions causes many to compare their position within our society, often causing overwhelming dissatisfaction. Is it any wonder that the rise of celebrities like Paris Hilton to 'role model' status has coincided with an exponential increase in incidences of neuroses and disorders such as obsessive compulsive tendencies and eating disorders?

Many who are born a part of a minority -- whether racial, gender, religious, or economic -- compare themselves to what they see around. Constantly comparing onesself causes a mental divide between Us and Them. I know that growing up in the South as a black woman in a deeply religious Christian protestant family, the divide between Us and Them came in from all sides. Black versus white. Christian versus every other religion. Protestant versus Catholic. South versus Yankee (seriously!) American versus foreigner.

In this election, the American people showed that they were able to look beyond the traditional divisions as white Republicans rallied together to support a black Democratic candidate and young people began interacting more with their elders to have real discussions about politics and the future of the country.

Finally, the barriers between Us and Them are blurring. It's a new era for shamelessness. Instead of constantly thinking of how you're different from everyone else and of all the things you have to be ashamed of, think of who you are and what you stand for. Remember the voice of Hillary Clinton, of John McCain, of Barack Obama, and of Sarah Palin -- in different ways, all were very nontraditional political figures who rallied overwhelming support. They didn't step into the debates and onto the politcal stage focusing negatively on their gender, race, age, or socioeconomic status. Even when the public and some of the media started throwing these factors into the equation, they held their heads high, focused on their principles, and kept going for their goals.

When you're confident in your goals and stick to your principles, there's no need to be mired in shame. The divisions between Us versus Them are suddenly replaced by the ability to see a collective of unique, strong individuals. Instead of seeing Republicans versus Democrats, black versus white, young versus old, or rich versus poor, you'll see that we're all human. If we treat others and ourselves as diverse, unique individuals, we can convert shame to strength and make a real difference in our own success.

Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ) and Shamelessness

A colleague of mine recently attended a two-day workshop on personal effectiveness and performance. Envision an auditorium full of people seeking wisdom and hope that there's a secret formula for being their best. The presenters know this, stir up a frenzy of excitement for their formula, then convince people that they need an additional $5,000, $10,000, or $15,000 worth of work on themselves before they'll truly be able to use the formula. I know, I've been at one of these workshops before.

In the course of the presentation, the speaker touches on a key topic that is a must in understanding for anyone who wants to achieve personal success and shamelessness -- emotional intelligence. Though the definition of emotional intelligence is constantly emerging, it focuses on exercising choice and control over the emotions of both yourself and others. In any given situation, a person can choose whether to react or respond. The speaker distinguished react and respond in this manner: React is a negative outburst, like getting an immediate allergic reaction to a medication. A response is a positive outcome, which is the equivalent of a successful healing of the body as a result of the medicine.

I told my colleague that I found this definition rather short-sighted. I agree that in our lives, we can choose whether to react or respond. Reacting involves bringing forth the first thing that pops into the emotional sphere. Whether we're aware of it or not, we bring it forth to the world without forethought or control. Responding involves a more thoughtful process of being aware of how we're feeling. It also involves being aware of how the people around us are feeling and choosing our words and behaviors carefully. The process of reacting shows a low emotional intelligence quotient (EQ). The process of responding requires a high EQ in order to possess the awareness, assessment skills, and empathy to be conscious in your words and behaviors.

Unlike the speaker's assessment, reacting and responding can both take on positive and negative qualities. A person can have a reaction of joy (positive) or anger (negative). A person can respond favorably (positive) or respond in a way that is contrary or adverse (negative).

When a person is truly shameless, all of their words and behaviors are responses, not reactions. Whether you are communicating joy or dissatisfaction, you respond in a way that is thoughtful, conscious, and aware. You possess the ability to manage your emotional reactions and channel them into effective communications that result in mutual understanding (though not necessarily agreement) for everyone involved. Being shameless involves putting other people first to be more aware of your own needs. Glenn Beck reported yesterday that if you feel that you're lost or lacking in direction, put other people first. Even if you don't believe in a higher power, putting other people first helps sort through the clutter and put you on a path full of purpose and power. If you choose to respond instead of react, put others first, and choose purpose and power as guides for your life, you will possess a high EQ, and being shameless will come naturally.

Visit author Daniel Goleman's blog on EQ

A stroke of genius

When being shameless, understanding how our mind works to either help us or hinder us is important. Our minds and how we use them can be leveraged for control and making choices, the two things that make us human (read Paulo Coehlo or Ralph Waldo Emerson). I found this great presentation about understanding your brain from a neuroanalytical scientist about looking at a stroke from the inside out: http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html.

Right and wrong in the shame game

How much does our background influence how shameful or shameless we become? I've met quite a few people who are dealing with some level of shame in their past -- recovering catholics, societies where women can't vote or drive, cities where people of other races or faiths aren't encouraged to intermingle.

I grew up in the Southeast United States, where I was constantly told who I should be, what I should think, how I should feel, and with whom I could associate. Needless to say, I didn't always want to be those things, think that way, feel like that, or associate only with those folks. It caused a lot of confusion. Regardless of what I did, I was constantly "wrong".

When you're shameless, the concepts of right and wrong melt away in reference to your thoughts and feelings. Something that used to be "wrong" is instead viewed as "different". The beauty of being shameless is that you attract people with differences without feeling threatened, intimidated, or wrong. It leads to greater understanding of both yourself and the people around you.

Celebrate being different and unique and stop thinking that you're wrong. No one can bring you peace but yourself, so go ahead and be shameless.

"The dice of God are always loaded." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why Shameless?

The reason many personal relationships fail is because one or more of the parties involved aren't getting what they need. Why not? Because so many of us do not know how to clearly state who we are and what we need.

The same is true for business relationships. Not all relationships need be fraught with intimidation and unbalanced compromise. Good relationships where everyone wins can exist. But it all starts with clearly communicating who we are and what we need.

That's why being shameless is so important. We don't think that anyone should be afraid to speak up and be noticed. We should all have the ability to speak about ourselves with confidence and integrity. If we don't do it for ourselves, who will?

When we peel back the guilt and intimidation, we're left the skills to build healthy, functioning relationships that allow all of us to be respected and get noticed.

So go ahead. Be shameless.